Review: SWE Hellbound

Saturday 23 August 2014

Hellbound is the final chance for the SWE roster to make their presence a necessity at their annual Hell For Lycra show on 30 August.  Hellbound was held in the Kirkton Community Centre with a 2pm start time and had Colt Cabana versus Grado on the bill, which I was really looking forward to seeing.  After getting our seats, it was time to play fangirl and finally get my photo taken with Colt, who was just so lovely!

First out to the ring were the Trident who took to the microphone to call out Mr News, Claymore and LJT.  With LJT scheduled in a later match, only Mr News and Claymore came out and then, to even up the numbers, Scotty Riccio made his return.  The match began as a brawl with all six men in the ring but quickly settled down, leaving Riccio at the mercy of the Trident, who kept him isolated from his tag team and made several quick tags in order to maximise the amount of punishment served to him. Eventually Riccio managed to rally and tag in Claymore, who quickly had Steven "Air" Myles pinned with Darren Blair making the save, ending with another melee in which The Trident were ejected from the ring and Riccio divebombed them on the outside.  Finally Claymore hoisted Myles onto his shoulders, Mr News leapt from the top turnbuckle, taking him down and pinning him for the win.

Next out was "The Butcher" Scott Renwick to face "The Beast from Belfast" Damian O'Connor.  Renwick was warned right from the outset by the crowd chant of "Damo's gonna kill ya" and that's exactly what the big guy set out to do.  O'Connor dominated most of this match but Renwick is a fighter...and smart too...he actually got up and ran from the corner when Damo was about to cannonball into him!  Unfortunately for him, he was not able to escape being stood on.  Renwick attempted a comeback and managed a pin attempt but it was not to be.  Renwick was hoisted up onto the shoulders of the big man, who then did a somersault across the ring, before pinning him for the three count.  A cracking match between two great performers and my pick for Match of the Day! (Sounds like a football term that!!)

After a video showing the escalation of the feud between Chaz Phoenix and Steven Magners, Bravehart came out to the ring, accompanied by Jam O'Malley to address why O'Malley turned on Euan Mackie.  After insulting the entire crowd by saying we were insignificant, he started berating Mackie, only for the music to start and Mackie to appear, surrounded by a group of referees.  Bravehart then called out to the referees, asking if anyone was brave enough to enter the ring and take them out and the challenge was answered by female referee, Edith Summer, who gave him

a taste of his own medicine.  In true "Evil Scotsman" fashion, Bravehart punched Edith, who was quickly dragged from the ring by her fellow referees as Bravehart announced that she would be the referee for his match with Mackie at Hell For Lycra.  With some of the crowd angry at him for hitting a woman, I yelled at him to "pick on someone his own size" and with Bravehart daring me to enter the ring, O'Malley called me a grandma and told me to sit down!  Refusing to climb into the ring, I invited Bravehart to come to me.  At this point Mackie called Bravehart a disgrace for attacking women, apologised to the crowd for what they had witnessed and promised to defeat Bravehart at Hell For Lycra.  As Bravehart left, he got in my face at ringside and we exchanged a few more words and even had some of the crowd chanting for me!

After such an emotionally charged segment, it was time for some light relief, which was provided by the first half main event match between Scotland's darling of the wrestling world, Grado and his own hero, Colt Cabana.  This wasn't really a wrestling match, just pure comedy and entertainment and I have never laughed so much at a wrestling show than I did during this match.  It was hysterical watching Grado doing his usual shtick and being upstaged by Cabana doing the same shtick but a little better.  Grado picked up the win, then asked Colt to join in his "in-ring dance celebration", which he did after plucking a small boy from the crowd to take part too.  The full match is available to view on the SWE YouTube channel in the first part of their pilot episode of  SWE Online TV - click here and prepare to be amused!

After a short interval, the action resume with another 3 on 3 tag match, with the team of Viper, Sammii Jayne and Felix Fortune facing off against Christopher Saynt, Nikki Storm and Mikey.  I am not a huge fan of tag matches with more than two members in a team as they usually get scrappy and there ends up being so much going on at one time, it's hard to keep track.  This started off with Sammii and Nikki in one corner, Mikey and Fortune in another while Viper and Saynt fought outside the ring - chaos!!  It quickly settled though, with the heel team taking the advantage and dominating Fortune, who they kept isolated from his team for the majority of the match.  Saynt, Storm and Mikey worked well together, and Fortune took an immense amount of punishment however he finally managed to make the tag and the match ended the way it began, with everyone in the ring and confusion reigning, before Viper pinned Mikey to take the win.

Next was a triple threat match between Martyn Stallyon, Jay The Jackal and Joe Hendry.  With the Jackal first trying to team with Hendry against Stallyon, then Stallyon against Hendry, the two men knocked The Jackal out of the ring before engaging each other.  With Debbie Sharp arriving to watch from the announce table, Hendry and Stallyon continued to battle, with the Jackal content to stand aside and watch, only really getting involved in order to stop either man pinning the other and then take his own chance to go for the pin.  Debbie Sharp decided to interfere in the match, and in trying to sabotage Stallyon, she inadvertently assisted him, causing Hendry to be knocked from the ring and allowing Stallyon to get the pin on the Jackal.

It was then time for the Hell For Lycra Career v Career Steel Cage match contract signing between Steven Magners and Chaz Phoenix.  With trouble expected between the two, a table is set up in the centre of the ring, Bravehart reappears accompanied by Jam O'Malley and The Trident and every referee stands at ringside, waiting for the inevitable. First Magners comes to the ring and is held in the corner by The Trident as Phoenix makes his entrance.  Bravehart produces the contract which both men sign...then Phoenix announces that with the contract signed, no-one can stop him tearing Magners apart, picking up the table and placing it in the corner!  Chaos ensues as The Trident try to keep them apart, Magners and Phoenix appear to team up to take them out, tossing two out of the ring and putting MDK through the table.  With the crowd stunned, Phoenix then attacked Magners.  Virtually the entire SWE roster enter the ring to try to keep these two apart however it soon turns into a free for all until the arrival of Damian O'Connor who cleaned house.  Video footage of this has also been released as part of the pilot episode of SWE Online TV....

...and it also includes the Main Event, a non-title match between LJT and  SWE Heavyweight Champion #scumbag Ian Ambrose.  As Ambrose removed his shirt and belt, LJT flew through the ropes to knock down the champ, returning to the ring and repeating the action twice more before pushing Ambrose into the ring for the match to officially start and trying a succession of pin attempts.  Ambrose quickly fought back to take the advantage, attempting pins and submissions himself.  With a combination of lovely mat wrestling and his usual underhanded techniques, Ambrose kept LJT subdued until his attempt at diving through the ropes was met with a boot to the face, followed by a springboard crossbody off the top rope by LJT but he could only score a two count and Ambrose got the ropes breaking his follow up koji clutch submission attempt.  After trading blows, LJT used his speed and agility to his advantage and a second koji clutch attempt failed.  The match then went back and forth as both men grew more exhausted until finally Ambrose brought the belt into the ring and decked the referee as he tried to take it from him.  LJT wins by disqualification.  As Ambrose goes to leave, Martyn Stallyon appears, grabs him and returns him to the ring where LJT springboards off the middle rope and delivers a boot to the face of Ambrose.

A cracking show in the run up to Hell For Lycra, with some cracking matches, the return of a fan favourite, a new face in Mikey, some controversy from Bravehart and lots of laughs from Colt and Grado!

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